Love is Not a Fight -- Warren Barfield

Love is not a place

To come and go as we pleaseI

t’s a house we enter in

And then commit to never leave

Lock the door behind you

Throw away the key

We’ll work it out together

Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm

Love is peace in the middle of a war

If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door

No, love is not a fight but it’s something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word

That they can fall into

But when they’re falling out

Keeping that word is hard to do

Love will come to save us

If we’ll only call

He will ask nothing of us

But demand we give our all

I will fight for you

Would you fight for me?

It’s worth fighting for

Disappointed

The Webster's Nonth New Collegiate Dictionary gives the following definitions:


DISAPPOINT: to fail to meet the expectation or hope of; frustrate

DISAPPOINTED: defeated in expectation or hope; thwarted


The Webster's New World Thesaurus gives the following synonyms:


DISAPPOINT: fail, delude, deceive, dissatisfy, disgruntle, disillusion, tantalize, embitter, ruin one's prospects, dash one's hopes, mislead, stand up, etc.


Why, when I'm filled with such hope, do I have to experience DISAPPOINTMENT?!?


Because the good doctor didn't call. . .



[As a quick sidenote, and hopefully leading to a better post tomorrow, I'm trying not to be too angry or embittered, but to give him a chance to explain. Maybe he did have a good reason not to call. . . ]

Eerie. . .

So my reasoning for writing the blog yesterday about The Horse was because I again went out to the farm to feed him while my friend was out of town. When I talked to my friend yesterday, she [teasingly] wanted to know why I had killed the corral-mate. . . That's right. The Horse's bully was found dead not 24 hours after I had been to feed The Horse. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo . . .

Feeding The Horse[s]

My mom, sister, and I were all talking about the things I do for others without getting paid, so here's an excerpt from my new book The Things I Do For Free:

Feeding the Horse[s]

I have a friend who asked me to feed her horse one weekend while she and her family were out of town. With nothing better to do that weekend, I agreed. I knew where the barn was, but I didn't really know anything else...

Once I got to the farm, I parked my car and headed out to the corral where The Horse and his corral-mate were, thinking the food would be nearby. They both saw me coming and ran over, thinking I'd have food. I didn't have the food, and it wasn't nearby, so they were disappointed and I was lost. I had to walk back over towards my car to get the food, then headed back to the corral. The corral-mate knew I had food this time and stayed by the fence [I had to tie him to the fence so he wouldn't kick The Horse when he was eating]. The Horse, however, had been so severly dejected that he headed back out without his food. Nothing I could do from the safe side of the fence would bring him back, so I had to venture inside the corral to lure him back. Since the corral-mate was tied up right inside the gate, I had to carefully walk around his backside to not get kicked, then walk out to The Horse. He ungraciously ignored me--great. I had to walk back to his feed bucket, grab some feed, walk back out to him, offer my feed-hand, let him eat the feed out of my hand, then walk him back to the feed bucket for the rest of the meal. Then it was carefully back around the backside of the corral-mate to get back out of the gate. Whew!! Since the corral-mate was still tied up and would kick The Horse to get his food once he was done eating his own food, I had to wait about 20 minutes or so for The Horse to finish eating so I could untie the corral-mate. Luckily I had grabbed a book to read. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my anti-chicken repelling goo to keep the chickens away.

The next day, I had to do this again! Luckily, I knew where the food was and was able to take it with me the first time so I didn't have to get into the corral again and have The Horse eat out of my hand again. Unluckily, someone else had been there since my first visit and had removed the halter from the corral-mate. How was I supposed to tie him up?!? Fortunately, the nameless visitor had left the halter on a nearby fence post and I was able to use my summer-camp-with-horses-training to get the halter around his head and neck in only about three tries. Unfortunately, I had once again failed to bring my anti-chicken repelling goo to keep the chickens away.

Physical Ache

So I thought I was doing well. I thought I was getting over it. But then, one mention of a member of his family, and my heart breaks at the memory of what I've lost. My brow tightens, tears spring to my eyes, my chest physically hurts. I realize now that saying good-bye to him also means saying good-bye to his family, a group of people that I've come to think of as my family. And I miss them all, terribly.

I don't have any regrets. I know that this has been the right thing to do. . . I just wish I didn't have to do it this way. I wish I had the strength to withstand this pain and go back to the way things were. But I also know that if I did, I'd fall in love all over again and have my heart broken again. . . and I seriously don't think I would survive.

When words leave off, music begins. –Heinrich Heine

Music is a huge part of my life. I have music playing almost 24/7. My radio is playing while I fall asleep. I always have the radio or a CD playing in my car. I even listen to music at work--even though I maybe shouldn't :O. And I've found that music can be a great therapy. There's almost always a song that comes on at a particular time in my life that makes me say, "YES! That's what I'm going through!!" Often times, when I find a song like this, I blog the lyrics--they say just what I need to say without having to put much effort into them [yes, I'm sometimes lazy :P]. Having songs like this out there in the world just when I need them leads me to two conclusions: 1.) God works in many ways. 2.) I'm not the only one in the whole world to feel/praise/hurt/rejoice/grieve like I do. Brings the world back down to a manageable size, you know?

The song I'm feeling right now is Matthew West's The Motions [see below for lyrics]. It makes me realize that I'm not doing all that I could be doing, all that I should be doing. I'm all too often consumed with self-pity and sorrow to see the blessings in my life, to see the opportunities to share with others, to go out and make something of my life. I'm greatly humbled to realize how much I worry about myself instead of living out our greatest mission in this life: "to lead others to an active faith in Jesus Christ."

The Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break,

At least I'll be feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?

"No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life'

Cause I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

Revelation--Third Day

My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain

And now, I am left alone and I am broken

Trying to find my way

Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time I know that You are holding all the answers

And I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances

On roads that never seem

To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

'Cause I've been trying

To find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here

Or do I need to move?

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding

Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding

That I am lost again

Tell me when this road will ever end

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

'Cause I've been trying

To find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here

Or do I need to move?

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without

I don't know where I can turn

Tell me, when will I learn?

Won't You show me where I need to go?

Let me follow Your lead

I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

'Cause I've been trying

To find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here

Or do I need to move?

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without You